Original founding member and inspiration to all LVIS members. His guile and cunning have no limits and he regularly conjures wins from nowhere. Always one to get excited when a race approaches, it’s often best to leave him to focus in a Zen-like way.
Always performing at the highest level, Mr Consistent. He is unusual in that despite unfortunate enjoyment of long distance events (including 12 hour Time Trials) and Time Trialling he is always happy and has never been heard to complain. Except when it rained before SSMM2005.
LVIS’s version of 007, always ensuring that he performs while looking cool and collected under pressure. Always on the lookout for new female supporters who have to pass his stringent tests before being admitted to the Official LVIS Fan Club.
The Enigma, The Legend. Known by many names and rarely seen but the stories of his prowess have travelled far and wide. If it’s late at night and you see a fast moving silhouette moving across the full moon, it’s probably him getting some minor air.
The driving force behind LVIS. Blessed with a freakish lung capacity and scarily big legs, he is always a good man to have on your team! Combine these attributes with an enormous tolerance for drink makes him the perfect companion to carry you home! Mr Vegas 2006.
Vastly experienced and in possession of an ability to break bikes while not riding them. While outwardly liking to project an image of not being overly fit, he can always be relied on to pull a result out of the bag when required. A little known fact is that he enjoys ‘Bike Gardening’ – a pastime that involves growing plants on/in bicycles.
With understated ease, he is always Mr Cool. Surprisingly strong and capable of reducing a rowing machine to a smouldering pile of bent metal within minutes. He is responsible for introducing LVIS’s official cocktail (the ‘Dark & Stormy’) with entertaining results.
Known as ‘Spanky’ for long-forgotten reasons. Always relaxed, particularly after listening to his special mix of Jazz, Dance and Easy-listening music. Holds the Official World Record for Strawpedoes, at 0.7983 seconds.
A relatively new recruit and a late starter. Voted ‘World’s Nicest Bloke’ two years running (controversially coming 2nd in 2004) and performing a wide range of Bufty sports from Cricket to Real Tennis.
The mighty figurehead of LVIS’ sporting prowess. Standing at over 6’5″ and with an arm span that has been used as an emergency bridge, he cuts a dashing figure wherever he goes. Regularly seen at the front of bike races with a string of other riders desperately attempting to stay on his wheel.
Wise, worldly, sly and Scottish, he uses all these attributes to good effect when racing – looking miserable and putting on a good impression of suffering and not enjoying himself until the critical moment when he rips the race apart and takes the lead, never to lose it. Never get the wrong side of him!
A pin-stripe suited captain of industry who transforms into a lycra-clad racing snake at the merest whiff of GT85, Mike can always be relied upon to bend his back to the yoke and put in the laps day or night, rain or shine. A stoic if not glum outlook belies a diamond geezer quick to jest. Recently developed speed on the Road and Singlespeed have produced a real competitor.
A science boffin who is also an experienced cyclist with many races under his belt. His cool, calm. pragmatic approach to racing is a welcome addition to any team. He’s never one to be found wanting when the quick laps need to be put in. Powered only by SIS and huge quantities of cake, rumours have it that a well known brand of exceeding good cakes is interested in becoming his personal sponsor for next season.
One of LVIS’s senior members, he is always able to provide a snippet of wisdom or to impart some keen knowledge. A demon in the Spinning class, he only ventures into the light of the great outdoors once daylight saving is over and unleashes his stealth fitness on the unsuspecting competition.
The self styled quiet man of LVIS, Gareth is rarely seen or heard. The epitome of the XC race whippet he maintains a a body mass almost exactly equivalent to half a Mars bar. Equally at home in a pair of fell running shoes as on a bike he lives to scale hills…big hills. Little known fact: Gareth’s favourite song is ‘Agadoo’ by Black Lace and it often brings him to the brink of tears when he hears it
Small and bearded, it would be easy not to recognise Antony for the cycling colossus that he is. Regularly found digging holes in the woods, he’s unquestionably the man to ask about the properties of mud and trees. While his love of getting Phat air would suggest someone more in tune with the Xtreme side of sports, when on his 70s racing machine, he’s definitely not to be underestimated.
Rumour has it that Marcus was designed in a wind tunnel after extensive testing to find the perfect shape for minimal drag. With a voracious appetite that belies his slender frame he is always keen to compete whether on the road, trail or on the water. Notable results include 6th in the 2005 Cheese Rolling and Silver in the Inaugural World Championship Bog Triathlon
A man with a prodigious appetite for miles, hills and drink. Rarely turns up for a race in the best of physical form but somehow still pulls out the results regardless. An international-level player of ‘Edward Ciderhands’.
By day a committed family man but by night (or evening) he transforms into a lycra clad roadie (with occasional forays off road). Legendary for enjoying anything that avoids going down or along the flat (especially if there’s a head wind), he’s truly never happier than when reaching for the sky.
Famously coined the unofficial LVIS motto of “Man up or go home”.
Captain Kirk, boldly goes wherever other cyclists have gone but always wants to do it bigger or better. The driving force behind many a biking adventure including the 2006 Etape ride, this guy plans a good race and then forgets to train for it!!. Mind you, why should he, as he is gifted with the ability to dig deep on the days that count and pull out performances to be proud of.
The result of a collaboration between Joe Breeze and Gary Fisher at the dawn of mountain biking. They were jolly proud of their work, but neither could agree who had actually invented him, and a terrible rift ensued. The two have never spoken again. Why Alex is in the UK remains a mystery. The mountain biking in his native California is reputed to be the best in the world, so either it is actually rubbish or he has been exiled. Either way, LVIS is the winner! Alex owns the world’s greenest bike. It is so green that it actually sucks in CO2 and is lusted after by the King of Ireland.
Built tough, his passport states that he was manufactured in the Tonka Toys factory in Liverpool (shortly before they broke the moulds). Paddy’s palmares includes some impressive accolades: Concussion from running in to a piece of string (set up by himself) and putting all three prongs of a 13amp plug through his foot when getting out of bed. perversely, he has never hurt himself whilst sky diving, snow boarding, cycling, rock climbing or purposefully abusing himself with cider and Belgian Mix.
The smiling competitor, typifying LVIS character. Always fitter than he thinks, he’ll still be there fighting (and grinning) at the bitter end. Can turn his hand to 3 major LVIS disciplines (cycling, triathlon and rowing) though controversially not always for LVIS.
Small but perfectly formed with the exception of his outsized feet. A late developer who’s making up for it by rapidly breaking into the upper echelons of various sports though this rapid improvement does mean the occasional painful incident including use of his head as a braking device.
Never knowingly fully fit or properly prepared, he still somehow manages to keep putting the performances in though often at the price of breaking himself and requiring some TLC post event. LVIS’s official brewing partner.
From a far flung land (Scotland) and rarely seen, except through a telescope from low down while watching him scale the Alps repeatedly. Famous for his ability to ride one-handed up mountains while giving all around him the peace sign.
There is no truth in various rumours about him – he still needs shoes despite having developed SPD feet; He still needs a saddle despite having a ‘clip in’ behind; He has yet to genetically alter his body to accommodate a CamelBak and 13pints of blood; He hasn’t yet grown extra fingers to facilitate braking & changing gear at the same time; His head is naturally aero so pointy helmets are superfluous (although he could do with a haircut)
He does however take EPO (Evening Primrose Oil). Apparently
The grande dame of the skort-wearing members of LVIS, she is an apparent mass of contradictions that belie her feisty race-winning spirit. A self-proclaimed amateur, despite having ridden since the days when bikes used suspension made from pencil erasers. Owner of one of the jeyest bikes in the entire LVIS squad, yet hopelessly besotted with hirsute Aussie DHer Nathan Rennie. Her natural modesty belies the fact that her crack female super-team has triumphed in all of their races to date, and when not on the podium she can usually be found fending off a stream of desperate suitors with a stick.
Using a unique formula of Werthers Original and cod liver oil to power himself, Neil can often be found showing young whipper-snappers a fraction of his age how it’s done. Specialising in keeping a low profile in the middle of the peloton but with an ability to make a break that can catch the unwary by surprise, Neil should never be underestimated.
After a decade long search consulting Debrett’s, Kirstie married into the greatest mountain biking dynasty LVIS has ever seen. OK, that’s 3 people with the same surname. Kirstie defies nature itself by actually being quicker uphill than down, a feat only otherwise achieved by magic waterfalls and some (other) monkeys. Kirstie chooses to race with both a CamelBak and a bottle. Not due to issues of dehydration, but so that she has something fashionable and snuggly to wear in the pub afterwards.
Original owner of the skort, presented to her in a desperate and unsuccessful courting ritual by a besotted bike shop employee. Nouvette is in many ways made in her brother’s image, only lacking some of the crippling deficiencies of modern living, but curiously sharing exactly the same hands. Sally has pitied more fools than Mr T today; one such fool asked her out on a MTB date, was taken down the infamous Picnic Table and cried himself a river. Shortly after, he quit his jibba jabba.
What you need to know about James is that he rides single speed, cyclocross and even track. So you know he is a REAL man not a fully-suspended, 27-speed poseur. You can twist his arm to ride in just about any weather and he’ll also stop at the pub before, during or after the ride. The only thing that is unsettling is his constantly changing facial hair – just who is he hiding from?
One of LVIS’ most prodigious winners and the older half of the famous Boyd Bros, he scythes through the field at every race he enters. Being a cheerful, blond bombshell with under 1% fat, and near 99% muscle he typifies what LVIS is about.
Interestingly, he’s never lost to his brother in a race.
Prior to all of the hysteria about genetic engineering, polymath Barry Jaeger was involved in a human-cyborg project involving CERN and Stark Industries. Applying the principle of marginal gains, later adopted by British Cycling with some success, they attempted to shave grams from the first Boyd racing superhero (Boyd A) and Nick was formulated. Powered by an Apple iPhone charger run off the camping battery in his van and with advanced espresso enzymes, Nick is considered by himself to be the superior racer, but still hasn’t beaten Andy in open competition. This healthy sibling rivalry has made Nick familiar with the top step of the podium and a mainstay of the Singespeed Superstars.
An ex national-standard crag-hopper; even J-Lo is jealous of the knowledge of rocks that she’s got. She used to have a little, now she’s got a lot (faster at down-hilling). But she knows where she came from. Beccy is Las Vegas Institute of Skort’s official secret weapon and Le Mans start expert. Her fitness and ultra fashionable size-zero frame allow her to rocket up steep hills faster than a mountain goat
Countryboy Jimmy was born to ride along on knobbly tires – originally a Massey Fergusson – but he’s now ditched the engine and is making the transition to mountain biking under his own power. He is also pioneering the use of biofuels with his switch from diesel to fermented apple juice to fuel his LVIS adventures.
aka the ‘LVIS Beacon’ always recognisable by the bright red face that would put a Ribenna berry to shame. A keen rower and cyclist but also a member of the first LVIS surfboat crew and is never happier than when wedged up in his Speedos…
For years he roamed the Cotswold’s looking for a purpose in life. Hearing of his plight, LVIS offered him a chance to excel again and this he does, each and every time he pulls on one of our infamous jerseys.
Veteran Etaper and retired rower, family man Phil is the epitome of the quiet accountant, the understated backroom boy. That is until he gets to the hills at which point he comes into his own and saunters past the best of the climbers as if he’s on a Sunday afternoon ride with the kids. Watch out for this man, otherwise you won’t notice him until you’re trying to hang onto his back wheel.
Straight talking, fast and a lover of shiny kit, Nathan is one to count on to not only go fast but to look damn good while doing it. An oarsman in a former life (for which he has to thank his Blissful relationship with Helen), he decided that there wasn’t enough focus on equipment and transferred to two wheels.
Las Vegas All-comers Pool Champion 2006
From a background of shouting at men to go faster in boats, Helen decided that she could do better on two wheels and has since proved that she was right. Generally seen flying along the roads at high speed and over long distances (London to Paris for a warm up, Edinburgh to London to warm down), her recent forays into mountain biking have been both fast and exhilarating with some spectacular crashes. The only person who can keep Nathan in check…
Yet another ex rower to add to the LVIS squad – Nick has been sitting patiently in the wings waiting for his LVIS call to arms, and has answered his promotion in true LVIS style by ensuring he always has a full flask of single malt and a bag of Haribo to pick the troops up for the final ascent.
Through years of rowing at The Black Death, Dan “Westy” West has learnt to push his limits to the point of self destruction. Often seen making seemingly suicidal charges off the front of the pack and at the bottom of each and every hill it’s a technique that sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t but always earns him full marks for effort. Still competitive on the water and an advocate of the Concept 2 indoor rower/device of tedium Westy will be a useful addition to the inaugural LVIS entry to Henley once negotiations with the Stewards have been successfully completed.
A level-headed civil engineer by day, in the evenings he can usually be found poring over the footnotes in biographies of Mario Cippolini, searching for inspiration for his next outrageous podium celebration. The quintessential cycling superfan, he’s never happier than watching the Tour coverage with a beer in one hand and a home-made salami in the other, but he’s more than capable of putting in a solid ride on-or off-road too.
With her habit of turning up to races loaded with more cake than Mr Kipling’s nuclear fallout shelter, it’s no surprise that Celia has become a welcome fixture at LVIS events. But in addition to being a one-woman craft fair and mobile bakery, she can also bring the pain to the opposition – usually whilst riding a bike customised with techniques learned from vintage episodes of Blue Peter.
The much celebrated champion of the Dartmoor Vale 10km in 2008, Bomber Broomhall is a triathlete extraordinaire racing for GB amongst the best in Europe and recently climbing out of the water alongside a number of pro athletes whilst racing her first Iron-Distance event in Copenhagen.
Despite her successes Kat is never one to take herself too seriously and needs very little excuse to roll up her sleeves to tear up the dancefloor with her legendary routine for “Man in the Mirror” astounding all who witness it. To date she is the only LVIS member to have been quite literally wheeled out of the MGM Grand after having one to many Dark and Stormys.
After perfecting her butterfly in the womb Kirsty was quite literally born to swim and gained early success on the American school circuit. She progressed to competitions on the water with her sister to form the infamous McGaul double scull that took on all comers across the South West. More recently she has discovered road cycling and can often be found riding stoker powering the Mumford-McGaul tandem round many scenic Audaxes. A technical and mathematical genius who has taken control of the LVIS Audax entry system Kirsty can be relied upon both on the road and behind the scenes to keep the purple and gold flag flying.
Owner of possibly the widest grin in the developed world, Steve’s near-obsessive approach to training sees him achieve impressive results in both road and MTB events. His tactic of talking incessantly up the steepest climbs sees both competitors and training partners drop off the pace, plunged into abject despair.
Johnatan “yes, it’s supposed to be spelt that way” is the offical driver of the LVIS dumptruck of awesome though he has been found under its wheels on a number of occasions. When he’s not fixing people using his chiropractic voodoo he’s breaking people over enormous distances on Audaxs and is rumoured to never set off for a ride with less than 50% of his body covered in Kinesio tape. Never one to miss an opportunity for a KOM on a downhill Strava segment he is devoted to his training diet of cake and single-estate coffee. He is easily recognisable by his vacant, thousand yard stare earned from several overnight rides into Wales accompanied by old men with beards. “You weren’t there man, you weren’t there.”
Coach to some, guru to others, yet never one to blow his own trumpet (he’s more of a ukulele player). As LVIS’s official wizard, Matt is as much an advocate of harnessing the mind and the soul as the body during physical challenges and can often be seen in a focused, meditative state before an event while some claim he is channelling the spirit of Barry. Lover of cycling, running, swimming and getting back to nature, Matt is one of only four LVIS members to hold a Guinness World Record for taking his clothes off.
Rosamond has converted her abundant super-human skills and made the transition from going backwards on water very fast to going forward on 2 wheels very fast. Has a penchant for descending extremely fast and has never been knowingly passed downhill. Is powered by sultanas and Jelly Babies but never the yellow ones. Only give her an arm wrestle if you can beat Baggy first!
Is happy to turn his skills to all sorts of biking, from the velodrome to time trials but vows never to do the HONC again. Spends infinitely more time fixing broken LVIS members as an osteopath then he does treating his own bikes and then can never work out why he always breakdown as far from Bristol as possible. Rumours have it that he is leading a breakaway faction of underground LVIS – Las Vegas Institute of Splunking. Keeper of the sacred LVIS horn. Will find it hard to compete at the highest level if the UCI reclassify Beetroot juice as a banned substance.